There's a Joke in There

Part of my job up here in Seward, Alaska, involves entering the feedback we receive from hundreds of comment cards that are returned to us by passengers after they have taken our boat tours. These are some of their least feasible suggestions.  Comment Card August 29th, 2013 Herman W, Germany What can we do to improve the tour? Cruise closer to mountains. Would help it be more dramatic and inspiring Dear Herman, It sure would! Especially if the boat hit the rocks and sank. Then you could mentally compose an inspiring poem while waiting for the coast guard to arrive and save whoever hadn't yet drowned. Good times! We thank you for your feedback.

Part of my job up here in Seward, Alaska, involves entering the feedback we receive from hundreds of comment cards that are returned to us by passengers after they have taken our boat tours. These are some of their least feasible suggestions.  Comment Card August 17th, 2013 Anonymous What can we do to improve the tour? The last hour of the tour seemed  unnecessary  Dear Anonymous, I beg to differ. The last hour of the tour returned you from the open waters of the Gulf of Alaska back onto land. Looking at it another way - that hour saved you from an almost certain, eventual death (due to starvation, drowning and/or hypothermia). We thank you for your feedback.

Part of my job up here in Seward, Alaska, involves entering the feedback we receive from hundreds of comment cards that are returned to us by passengers after they have taken our boat tours. These are some of their least feasible suggestions.  Comment Card July 1st, 2013 George, Kentucky USA What can we do to improve the tour? More Cowbell Dear George, In the game of life, you are winning. We thank you for your feedback.

Part of my job up here in Seward, Alaska, involves entering the feedback we receive from hundreds of comment cards that are returned to us by passengers after they have taken our boat tours. These are some of their least feasible suggestions.  Comment Card June 21st, 2013 Anonymous, Florida USA What can we do to improve the tour? Let otters run around on the boat Dear Anonymous of Florida, WTF are you talking about? If we put a few wild otters inside the boat they would likely gnaw you to death in a panicked rage before you could locate the exit. No. We thank you for your feedback.

Part of my job up here in Seward, Alaska, involves entering the feedback we receive from hundreds of comment cards that are returned to us by passengers after they have taken our boat tours. These are some of their least feasible suggestions.  Comment Card June 17th, 2013 Anonymous, Australia What can we do to improve the tour? Get the whales to jump higher and stay out of the water longer for better photos Dear Anonymous, You seem to be under the impression that we control the whales and other wildlife. This is not the case - hence the prefix 'wild'. The whales are also contending with gravity, thus in order to satisfy this request we would need to change the physical laws of the universe. We are currently unable to do so. We thank you for your feedback.