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Facebook Version of Your Actual Life

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People today have two versions of their lives: their Actual Life and the Facebook (Instagram/ Snapchap/Tinder/ Social Media) Version.

Actual Life endures the harsh truths that must be confronted each morning; work, bills, wrinkles, bad news, bad breath, free-to-air television, crushed dreams.

While the Facebook Version skips over all the crap parts, highlights and filters the best bits and photoshops across the board.

I'm guilty of this myself.

I was recently on a roadtrip through the US and posted a photo on instagram of a snow-covered landscape and a wide open road ahead, implying that I was free and fearless. Exploring the world. Just living the dream.

And while it WAS an amazing time, I had driven many hours that day, alone and singing to myself. The temperature had dropped very quickly when I'd reached these flat, exposed areas, making the roads icy and unsafe and at some points, an almost total whiteout.
(Also - I had to stop in the middle of a HIGHWAY to get this photo…

Watching Netflix

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Failing Sucks, But It Might Be Good For You

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I'm currently trying to write a book. No, scratch that. I have written a book, but I'm trying to rewrite it into a great book.

Earlier last year, I submitted a draft to the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Contest, whose first prize is a publishing contract and a cash advance of $50,000 USD.
In hindsight it's clear that the book wasn't ready. But after working on the same project for several years, I was impatient to get it out there and move on to something else. Thus I ignored the plot holes, dialogue inconsistencies and grammatical errors and submitted my manuscript at 3am, two hours before the deadline.

In the month leading up to the announcement of first round finalists, I did not forget that I had entered. On the contrary, I counted down the days until the 'results are in' email appeared in my inbox. Seconds after that, I had logged on to the site to check if I'd made it.

Successful entrants had been listed first by novel genre and then alphabetically by au…

Chances of Running Into Your Ex

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*Statistics extrapolated from personal experience, where the Chance Of Unexpectedly Running Into Your Ex and How Great You Look is an inversely proportional relationship

What A Summer In Alaska Taught Me, Against My Will

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They say all good things must come to an end*, and last week, just as the summer weather was making a final retreat, my time living and working in the seaside town of Seward on Alaska's Kenai Peninsula did exactly that - it became a good thing that ended. 
(*I'm unclear on the profundity of this saying though, because bad and mediocre things must also come to an end. Literally everything ends.)

As I waited reluctantly at the Anchorage airport to board my red-eye flight to Los Angeles, I reflected upon my initial expectations for this adventure. Back in June, I felt confident that I was going to spend my weekends solo traveling throughout Alaska and that I would write every day and laugh smugly at small-town living. I wondered if I would cope earning minimum wage. I was terrified that I'd be sleeping in a bunk bed in dingy employee housing, sharing with 8 other, weird people. I worried that I hadn't packed enough warm clothes.

In hindsight it's obvious, as always, t…

Boat Passenger Comment Card #5

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Part of my job up here in Seward, Alaska, involves entering the feedback we receive from hundreds of comment cards that are returned to us by passengers after they have taken our boat tours. These are some of their least feasible suggestions. 




Comment Card
August 29th, 2013
Herman W, Germany


What can we do to improve the tour?

Cruise closer to mountains. Would help it be more dramatic and inspiring



Dear Herman,

It sure would! Especially if the boat hit the rocks and sank. Then you could mentally compose an inspiring poem while waiting for the coast guard to arrive and save whoever hadn't yet drowned. Good times!
We thank you for your feedback.

Boat Passenger Comment Card # 4

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Part of my job up here in Seward, Alaska, involves entering the feedback we receive from hundreds of comment cards that are returned to us by passengers after they have taken our boat tours. These are some of their least feasible suggestions. 




Comment Card
August 17th, 2013
Anonymous


What can we do to improve the tour?

The last hour of the tour seemed unnecessary 



Dear Anonymous,
I beg to differ. The last hour of the tour returned you from the open waters of the Gulf of Alaska back onto land. Looking at it another way - that hour saved you from an almost certain, eventual death (due to starvation, drowning and/or hypothermia).
We thank you for your feedback.