Showing posts from February, 2013

Parking Signs of Los Angeles

It's no longer enough to simply find an available parking space in LA. You must also be able to interpret the parking rules related to that space, which are written across a cluster of signs, each of which contains instructions that override or contradict the sign beside/above/behind it. Additionally, your interpretation must be done at warp speed because you're in a moving vehicle and there are 115 impatient commuters behind you, all of whom need to get to an audition for a new reality TV show/ a shoot for a reality TV show/ an urgent meeting at Starbucks about a new reality TV show.
Such are the challenges that must be overcome if you want to get a parking spot close to the vegan brunch place you want to be seen appearing to eat at. 
Thus the people of Los Angeles have evolved into some of the most effective multitaskers in the world. They can operate a vehicle travelling at 35mph, read small-fonted parking novellas and do a space-time mathematical calculation all at the sa…

Pick Up Lines are the Dad Jokes of the Dating World

It's time I broke the news to anyone out there still using pick up lines - they will never work because pick up lines are the dad jokes of the dating world.  And nobody finds Dad Jokes sexy. (Except maybe your Mom. Probably not though.)

The Problem
Pick Up Lines and Dad Jokes have too much in common:
- at their "punch lines", both evoke the same response from anyone within earshot, namely the laugh-groan. There wouldn't even be a laugh portion were it not for social politeness which obligates us to throw the speaker a metaphorical bone. 
- both of these "witty" conversation styles are rife with puns. Too many puns. And puns aren't sexy either. 
- both are delivered with delusional confidence. This is despite repeated failures to elicit a positive response in the past. 
- rejection doesn't always make them stop coming. 
The Proof 
Read the mix of Pick Up Lines and Dad Jokes below and note your unchanging emotional response:
Breaking News! A hurricane has just…


Thanks for your patience. This blog, not unlike my personal and professional life, is still finding its way.

For now, here's a photo of a Fancy Squirrel.

Fancy Squirrel

Truth is Funnier than Fiction

For the past few years, I've been collecting news headlines that make me laugh. Here are some of my favourites;

Guilty or innocent?: Vanilla Ice apologises for crimes against music  
(Seen on 24/03/2009)

Gang of villagers chase away Google car
(Seen on  03/04/2009)

Ice Skating bear kills Russian circus hand
(Seen on 23/10/2009)

Import block: African court rules Chinese condoms too small
(Seen on 18/09/2011)

Gordon Ramsay's Dwarf Porn Double Found Dead in a Badger Den in Wales
(Seen on The Daily Telegraph 15/09/2011)

Missing woman unwittingly joins search party for herself
(Seen on 28/08/2012)