Showing posts from May, 2013

I Saw Real Life Castaway Man

I spent most of 2012 living in Sydney and one of the best things about that city, and there are many great things, is that it's equal parts metropolitan and beach lifestyle. If you want to go out and be sophisticated at a trendy wine bar, you can. Or if you want to wander down to the beach in your short shorts without brushing your hair, you can do that too. People let you be. Not necessarily because they are without judgement, but because no-one gives a crap what you do. They are too busy being Australian, which largely consists of not giving a crap about stuff.

Vintage Creepy Family Photo

Part of my day involves searching through stock photos to go along with my blog posts. Some random things come up, but I actually heard haunting theme music when I first saw this stock 'Family' image. 

Hard to pinpoint my strongest area of discomfort. Is it the Dad? He looks like he might be a mannequin that the photography studio keeps on site and wheels in when Real Dad's not around. Maybe I'm unsettled by the piercing, serial killer-inspired gaze from the child 2nd from the left? Or his brother, 'Ted Bundy', on the far right? I also note that the kid at the front, clearly the smallest, wears the biggest tie. Is this a deliberate joke? Eerie, since none present strike me as big pranksters. Especially not Mom. From her wistful expression, I gather that she is either remembering back to the last time they let her outside (1807) or yearning for a time when the mannequin's hair wasn't styled like that.
Regardless, if I'd been invited to dinner at this h…

An'other' Suggestion for Facebook Relationship Status

I long for an 'Other' option in the Facebook drop-down menu for relationship status. And once selected, you could elaborate with a description of your own choosing:

What is your relationship status? 
Afraid of Commitment
Waiting For Boyfriend To Text Back
In Denial
Trying to Annul Vegas Marriage
Engaged But With Strong Reservations
Ready To Lower My Standards
Forever Alone
Sexting A Lot
Not Sure. She Looks Pissed.

In addition, each time I changed my status, things like this would come up in everyone's newsfeed:

Candice went from being  Afraid of Commitment  to  Sleeping Alone

Candice went from being  Ready To Lower My Standards  to  Married

Candice went from being  Single & Ready to Party!! to  Trying to Annul Vegas Marriage

Candice went from being  Polygamous  to  Send Help. This Is Cult. Have Only 30secs of Inter

I do not think I would ever run out of ideas for this, nor would I ever tire of trying.

When Your Lunch Makes You Uncomfortable...

A while back, I had lunch at a beachside cafe in Sydney. This is what came to the table... 

It needs to be said that these Traditional Bangers could easily double as a major prop in a hybrid Horror/Porn film.
(The meal was delicious, by the way.)

Arctic Wit

One of the adventures in which I partook while I was visiting Alaska was a tour up to the Arctic Circle. On the day I chose to tour, the bus was full of local US Air Force personnel who had the day off, their families and me. That's it. What I'm saying is, I stood out.

Near the Arctic, only two passengers were bold/foolish enough to climb up to this lookout point: me and a 12 year old kid. On the trek, I asked him, 'Since you've lived in Alaska your whole life, how cold does it need to get before you'd say 'wow, it's really cold'?' 
He thought about it, then replied, 'That really depends on what I'm wearing'. 

Touché my quick witted, young friend. 

(This same child would later pull me up a snow slope after I sank & trapped myself. I'm told it was hilarious to watch from the bus. You're welcome, America.)